Half-Assing, Whole-Assing, and the Serenity Prayer

Me (ugly crying): “I feel like I’m constantly half-assing everything. I just want to be able to whole-ass one thing.” 

The wisdom of Ron Swanson

You know the feeling, right? Running as fast and hard as you can and still convinced you’re letting everyone down. Emily and Amelia Nagoski, authors of Burnout, put it this way:

Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you have to do, and yet still being worried you’re not doing enough.

How did I get there? Not because I was weak or broken -- and if you’ve been there, there’s nothing wrong with you either.

I started law school in 1995. I worked all day and went to class in the evening, while caregiving for my mom, who died in my second year of law school. The profession wasn’t talking about well-being, trauma, or grief back then. If anyone happened to notice how many plates I was spinning, they just praised how strong, resilient, and what a good daughter I was.

In April of my 1L year, I finally admitted I was exhausted and asked to take a couple of days off work. I had plenty of PTO built up, but my boss said no. I can still see her standing in the doorway of my office in her navy blue power suit, saying, “We don’t owe you anything.” Turns out I didn’t owe them anything either. The job didn’t last; I resigned and had a new one within a month. But the lesson stuck: Don’t ask for help. Just keep pushing through.

I’m betting those lessons -- resilience without rest, strength without support -- ring true for you too. Many of us in the legal profession got where we are by being resilient and not asking for help, all while being the helpers in our families, our workplaces, and our communities. Those lessons carried us far, but they also carried many of us right into burnout.

Here’s something I’ve learned about burnout: the stories we tell ourselves can either push us deeper into it or help protect us from it. In my own low point, the “mean girl” in my head insisted I was failing at everything—because I wasn’t doing it all perfectly. She was persuasive, but she was wrong.

There’s a grain of truth in the “half-ass versus whole-ass” dilemma. Multitasking is a myth—it’s just task-switching and draining focus. My martial arts instructor used to say, “The most important thing is the most important thing.”  Mindfulness helps me apply that. Whatever I decide is the priority in this moment deserves my full attention. Next moment? I can re-evaluate. It’s not easy in a world of constant demands, but it’s a skill we can all build with practice.

Here’s the other lesson: it’s okay to half-ass some things. (Deep breaths, perfectionists! Recovering perfectionist here, and I promise it will be okay.) Not everything requires 100% effort. Do I need to scrutinize every font size in a PowerPoint or agonize over each word in every email? Or feel guilty because we’re having cereal for dinner -- again? Some tasks call for excellence, and sometimes “good enough” is enough.

My late friend and mentor, Marc, used to gently remind me of the wisdom in the Serenity Prayer: accept what you can’t change, change what you can, and learn the wisdom to know the difference. The key, and the real challenge, is the wisdom – or as Dr. Brené Brown likes to add, the discernment – to know the difference. The same principle applies to burnout prevention: discernment helps me decide where my best effort belongs, and where it isn't necessary.

Burnout isn’t a personal failure—it’s a signal that the system isn’t sustainable. Burnout prevention isn’t about working harder—it’s about working with intention and knowing you don't have to do it alone.

Feeling burned out? We've been there before, and we know the way out. Join us!

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