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Writer's pictureJill Carnell

I Already Took Off My Bra

Two women giving stink eye and holding microphones with the text "I already took off my bra"
Annie Nardolilli and Louisa Hall of Griefcat, my new favorite band

When Loretta and I get to Social Well-Being in presenting Seven Dimensions of Well-Being, a commonly-raised question is, "What if I spend time alone or with a person or small group as part of my social well-being? Does that still count as 'social well-being'?".


YES, IT DOES!


I am an introvert, which means I'm someone who gets energy from spending time by myself. This is something I've learned about myself over the years. In fact, when I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator years ago, my type was ENTJ, with the "E" noting that I'm an extrovert, someone who gets their energy from interacting with other people. At the time, I didn't give it much thought because I was constantly surrounded by and interacting with people all day long. However, in the evening, I went home to my condo and cat, Sophie. I often read a book or hooked a rug or listened to music when I got home.


As I've gotten older, I've realized that although I can certainly be around lots of other people, including attending social events, I recharge by downtime at home (or in my room when traveling), spending time with Mark, meeting a friend for coffee or breakfast or lunch for a catch up, sitting meditation, or hanging with the cats. I'm also currently spending most Fridays with my mom, working on projects around her house, having lunch, or going with her to an appointment. The only "right" way to "do" social well-being is the way that works for each of us. Our well-being is as individual as we are.


Loretta and I traveled to Utah last week, so this weekend, I planned and needed a lot of downtime to recharge. As I was looking at my Instagram feed, I saw this, shared by Viola Davis:



I laughed and giggled and thought, "THEY SEE ME!". These hilarious musical masterminds are Griefcat. I sent the post to Mark, who responded, "That tracks. Have you ordered the caftan they're wearing yet?". Then I went looking for a longer version.


Found one!



I think you're cool whichever side of this you identify with -- bar crawler or stay-at-homer!


For those who identify as bar crawler, I hope you will respect the stay-at-homer's need to recharge in a different way than you the next time they say, "No thanks! I already took off my bra" or "I already took off my pants" or "I don't make plans for Friday evenings" or however they tell you, "No thanks."


For those who identify as stay-at-homer, I hope you feel less alone in your stay-at-homeness and you use this language and/or theme song if you need some support in saying, "No thanks!" to a social invite you want to decline.


If you're curious about introversion and extroversion, I suggest exploring Susan Cain and her work, especially Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.


Let's support each other in attending to our well-being so we can be better together!

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