Baby, how you feelin'?

Since I was a kid, I never wanted anyone to feel alone. Living at the same address from birth until I moved into Warren Hall freshman year at undergrad, I was the kid in school who always got paired with the new kid. Most of the time, after a week or so, the new kid found their tribe and moved into it, leaving me free to help orient the next new kid.

Let me be clear: I wasn't popular. I was dependable, kind, friendly, curious, and practical. Nothing flashy.

Until very recently, I was convinced that I was ok with part of this, but the other part of this was a problem to be solved. Dependable, kind, friendly, curious, and practical -- all that stuff's ok. The nothing flashy -- that needs a solution. Thanks to Kelly Diels, I've learned that being dependable, kind, friendly, curious, and practical is actually my super power.

My answer (which is certainly nothing fancy) when asked why I went to law school includes two reasons. The first is I wanted to earn an advanced degree, and a JD seemed like a degree that could be applied in many different industries. I had also noticed that "the law" applied to all of us, but it seemed like a foreign language that only legal professionals really understood. I wanted to understand it, too.

Now, coming up on twenty years of practice, I understand that really, deep inside of me is still that dependable, kind, friendly, curious, and practical kid who doesn't want anyone to feel alone, whether they are a legal professional or a person who's involved in a case in the justice system. Justice Ginsburg wrote about her mother teaching her about recognizing and respecting the dignity of every person, as if to say "my humanity recognizes and respects your humanity." When I forget my humanity or your humanity or their humanity, I feel deeply disconnected and distressed. Maybe even alone.

And now, in the midst of the collective suffering that's occurring within, between, and among us, I continue to believe that we collectively must prioritize the well-being of legal professionals. It's a MUST HAVE, not a Nice to Have.

This was reflected back to Loretta and me in an email we received from Christina Baldwin, a teacher who deeply informs my facilitation practice and a reader of our Thought Kitchen newsletter, What's Cookin' at Thought Kitchen. (Please subscribe if you haven't already.)

She wrote:

Hello ladies, just a note to say I am following you from my blue chair of semi-retirement... Thank you for the work you do in the world and for tending to burnout in this profession we are counting on to save civil society.

Carry on!

Christina

(Emphasis added)

Photo of email that says: "Hello ladies, just a note to say I am following you from my blue chair of semi-retirement… Thank you for the work you do in the world and for tending to burnout in this profession we are counting on to save civil society. Carry on! Christina"

Legal professionals, people are COUNTING ON US TO SAVE CIVIL SOCIETY on top of the "regular" work we do everyday. What's the play here?

A couple of weeks ago, during her episode of Songs & Stories with Kelly Clarkson, Lizzo told the story of writing her song Good as Hell for a friend to remind her that she's "good as hell" and didn't need to stay in a bad relationship. It goes like this:

I do my hair toss, check my nails

Baby, how you feelin'? (Feelin' good as hell)

Hair toss, check my nails

Baby how you feelin'? (Feelin' good as hell)

Woo, child, tired of the bullshit

Go on, dust your shoulders off, keep it movin'

Yes, Lord, tryna get some new shit

In there, swimwear, going-to-the-pool shit

Come now, come dry your eyes

You know you're a star, you can touch the sky

I know that it's hard, but you have to try

If you need advice, let me simplify

If he he don't love you anymore

Just walk your fine ass out the door...

Lizzo duets "Good as Hell" with Kelly Clarkson on Songs & Stories with Kelly Clarkson

Want to listen to Lizzo and Ariana Grande's version? Click below.

Good as Hell isn't about bypassing the hard stuff. It's not "fake it 'til you make it!" or other stuff people say when there's discomfort, and they don't know what to say. It's "Hey, remember -- you're good as hell! And if this isn't working for you anymore, then you leave it behind." First, cognitively remember. Then physically re-member, by putting yourself back together.

So what's this got to do with legal professional well-being and my super power? Great question. Glad you asked!

Dear legal professional, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You are a human being navigating your life, in the midst of all of this going on around you. You're living and working in a culture that expects you to be a machine rather than a human being, and also glorifies the individual over the collective. In addition, there's a whole bunch of stuff that nobody taught any of us about how to attend to our well-being.

The good news is that I -- dependable, kind, friendly, curious, and practical -- was MADE FOR THIS.

You're new at attending to your well-being? No problem! I know the way.

You're a legal professional who feels yucky and alone? Come sit next to me.

You're feeling overwhelmed that people are COUNTING ON YOU TO SAVE CIVIL SOCIETY on top of the "regular" work you do everyday? It's OK because I know how to sit in the yuck with you and figure out what to do next.

You're ready to reclaim your humanity? I got you, friend.

The system Loretta and I have developed, Mindfulness-Based Well-Being, isn't flashy. It is practical and dependable and built for you to weave into your daily life.

Take the first step and join us at Flourishing Club or in the next cohort of legal professionals in 28 Day Burnout Antidote, both places where we ask, "Baby, how you feelin'?" and try on practices and learn skills in a community that prioritizes each and every one of us remembering we're good as hell.